One definition of resilience is to return to the original form. For example, after being stretched, a rubber band returns to its original shape. Another definition of resilience is to recover from adversity. As a person who is going through or has gone through a divorce, choose to not settle for being a rubber band. Instead, recover from adversity and become a stronger, better person.
Resilience is an ongoing process. Commit to the time and effort it requires to grow and develop. The following strategies will help you get back in shape and recover from your divorce.
1. Reconnect and establish new relationships.
Look to the friends and family members who have been with you through the years. Often times, friends can fall by the wayside with the busyness of life. With Facebook, Twitter, and other social media, finding old connections (and reaching out to new people) is easier than ever.
2. Accept the end of your marriage.
Acceptance is the last part of the grieving process and it is necessary for you to be able to move forward with your life.
3. Set goals.
Despite the end of your marriage, there is plenty to look forward to with your new life. Make the most of it by setting reasonable goals. Maybe it’s going back to school, learning to salsa dance, or traveling. No matter how silly these goals may seem to someone else, as long as they make you happy and fulfilled, what else matters?
4. Stay Positive.
Expecting the worst gets you nowhere. Divorce is one of the most stressful things that can ever happen to you, so there is really nowhere to go but up.
5. Choose Your View.
Bad things happen to good people. You cannot control what life throws at you, but you can choose how respond to stressful events. Make the choice to remain focused on the important things in life and let the little things go.
6. Maintain Perspective.
When you allow your ex to provoke you, you are relinquishing control of your actions over to him or her. By stopping, taking a breath, and trying to look at the situation from a neutral third party, this will help you make a rational decision. If the behavior is annoying, ignore it and be glad the marriage is over. If it’s harming you or your children, then don’t be afraid to take the appropriate legal action.
7. Become a fan of you.
Even when working with an attorney, counselor, or other support person, you are the ultimate advocate for yourself. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. After all, the only one who has to live with your life is you. Shouldn’t you be happy with the decisions?
8. Be Present.
Life changes, and dwelling on the past only creates regrets and prevents you from moving forward. Revel in the daily miracles of your children’s latest accomplishments. Find something good about each and every day. Once it becomes a habit, you will find it easier and easier maintain a focus on the present.
While you don’t want to beat yourself up over the mistakes you made during the marriage, you do want to learn from the past. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling in order to assist you with this process.
10. Help others.
Getting out and helping others is often times the best reality check out there. Whether it’s serving food at a homeless shelter, sharing your trials and triumphs that you experienced during your divorce, or volunteering at your child’s school, you will undoubtedly be enriched.